Saturday, December 4, 2021

"The Pandemic Bidet"


I’m a longtime nurse living during a pandemic.  There are so many serious topics that I could be addressing right now related to the pandemic…vaccines, masks, monoclonal antibodies.  The pandemic has changed all of us.  But sometimes my head feels ready to explode from all the grim news that I have experienced during the past year.  So, I decided to share one of the positive things that I have discovered during the pandemic that is not quite so serious but is a game changer.  The #1 best thing that I learned in the pandemic....EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE A BIDET!!!

I am absolutely prepared to be mocked.  Someone wrote a comment this morning on a Facebook group page that I belong to.  They complained about their physical condition, mobility issues and their lack of ability to fully clean themselves off after a bowel movement.  I said to myself,  “this tip might actually help someone”.  For those outside the U.S., this is a no brainer as many of you have used bidets forever. 

I only wish that I had been recommending this to patients for years. I have already purchased 4 of them for friends. Everyone on my Christmas list is getting a pandemic bidet!

I’m not talking about the $10,000 toilet with the blow dryers that all the rich and famous people possess.  No, you don’t need to replace your toilet or add expensive gadgetry. For around $30 (on Amazon), you can get one that resembles a boomerang that is easily installed under the lid of your toilet seat. I had my brother install mine, and it literally took him less than 1/2 hour.

Why is the bidet so great? You simply do your business, turn it on for a few minutes for a good rinse off, and pat yourself off with a small amount of toilet paper (one swipe, just to dry off). Clean as a whistle!!!

Who would benefit from a bidet? 

1) For anyone in a pandemic toilet paper shortage or someone just wanting to help conserve the planet by saving a tree. For those with septic systems.

2) For all of us who have arm or back pain where even (sadly) minimal movements like wiping your backside are painful.

3) For anyone who has had a fractured arm, hand, or shoulder surgery on their dominant side.

4) For breast cancer patients who have had under arm (axilla) surgery and for whom movement is restricted or painful. 

5) For ovarian cancer or colo-rectal cancer survivors or post-partum ladies who may have wound issues.  A bidet is an extra tool in the arsenal to assist with cleanliness “down below”.  Bidets clean your rectal area but can also clean your vaginal incisions too.

6) For anyone who is elderly, those with herniated discs in their spine,  or someone with morbid obesity who might have trouble reaching or who may have mobility issues.  For those people, the act of “wiping” is literally impossible.

7) For those with hemorrhoids or rectal fissures who may have trouble keeping things clean “down there”.  Sometimes repetitive wiping with toilet paper can irritate a situation more than help it.  A clean stream of room temperature water can make a huge difference.

There are many other indications, but as a nurse these are the first that pop into my mind.

One warning:  On the model that I have, if you turn the water pressure stream dial up higher than level 2, your buttocks will be found later 2 blocks down the street!!!

For all of the things that the pandemic has taken from us, perhaps here is one good thing that we have learned.

So, save a tree.  Save your backside.  Best of luck and higher than level 2!!  I warned you!!!